What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
