Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
