If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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