He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
