Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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