I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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