your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
