saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
