Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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