I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
