i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
