he thought i was a dude.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
