Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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