I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
