You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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