I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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