I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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