Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
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I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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