youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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