well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
