Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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