idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
