i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
