i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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