First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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