I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
