I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
