Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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