Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
