You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
