i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
