Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
