I feel like abortions should bother me more
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
