I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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