Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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