they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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