Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
