Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
His nipple licking is glorious
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