i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
