Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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