I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's always time for handjobs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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