You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
