I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
