she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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