hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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