Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize