Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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