i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
