girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
