Just cropdusted the office
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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