Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
