I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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