I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
