I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
