i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
