I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
God, I missed his penis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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