He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
