It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
