Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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