just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
