my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
