i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
