i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
