That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
