I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
