This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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