She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
