Small penises have feelings too.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
