remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
