hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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