i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
should my penis look like a turkey
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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