I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize