if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
