My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
