im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
