nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
