My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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