I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
