So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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