I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
