this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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