finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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