Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
