How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
