I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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