the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
